Don't Take Life Seriously, It's Not Permanent
by Britz
Summary: Death, eternal damnation....And laughter, a response to the challange set out by Gem on her page you should go to the page, it's right on through the "Community Connector" go there after you R&R this story, which BTW is realy hard to give a summery to.


Britz-Hey hey fan-fic fan's, wow-wee yet another challange fic from me, a response to the challange posted by the lovely Gem Stoned here are the terms:  
  
*Rachel must die 3 times or more  
*Jake and Tobias must kiss  
*Cassie must kill someone  
*Ax must go insane  
  
Well Tally-hoe pip-pip and lets get on with the bloody thing!  
  
Summery-It's wacky, set at no particular time just not after #54, I guess just back in the true "salad day's" for Animorphs.  
  
Disclaimer-Not a single thing in this story is mine kay?  
  
DON'T TAKE LIFE SERIOUSLY, IT'S NOT PERMANENT.  
#Chapter 1#   
  
*Scene- The Animorphs crouch across the street from a meeting for "The Sharing" that they are preparing to attack.*  
  
Jake-So does everyone remeber the plan?  
  
Tobias-We had a plan?  
  
Jake-I didn't tell you the plan?  
  
Marco-No, do we even have a plan?  
  
Jake-Well not as such no.  
  
Rachel-*making various macho pose's as she speak's* GOOD! That's the way I like it!!!! HA HA!! HO HO!!! HAW HAW!!!!  
  
Cassie-Whats with you Rach?  
  
Rachel-No time to speak lets kill while the killing's good!!!!! HA HA!! HO HO!!! HAW HAW!!!!  
  
Tobias-Boy, I thought Ax was supposed to go insane.  
  
*Ax unexpectedly does several backflips, impersonates Groucho Marx, climbs up a flagpole and tap dances at the top and performs Hari-Kari on himself with his own tailblade then dies, an expected reaction after performing Hari-Kari even if it probaly hideously misspelled*  
  
Marco-Well that was unexpected.  
  
Cassie-Wow Britz still didn't let Ax talk even when going insane.  
  
Rachel-Well to bad HA HA!! HO HO!!! HAW HAW!!!! ATTACK!!!!! *runs away, across the street towards the sharing meeting*  
  
Jake-*in the tune of "George of the Jungle"* Rach Rach Rach what a pyscho  
  
Tobias-Hey don't diss my, Umm "special friend".  
  
Rachel-*battle cry* AHHAHAHAH!!!!!!  
  
Cassie-She's gonna die wait and see,  
  
Marco-RACHEL! WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!!! Umm, I mean TRUCK!!!!!!  
  
Rachel-Wha..? *A semi-trailer comes by a smacks into Rachel who goes flying through the air.*  
  
*she lands with a thud in the middle of the road*  
  
Rachel-Oy vey I ache all over *semi-trailer keeps coming and runs her over*  
  
*a bright light shines down on Rachel*  
  
Rachel-Ohmigod am I dead?  
  
Voice-Yes, very much so.  
  
*a shadowy figure floats down from the bright light*  
  
Rachel-Are you an angel?  
  
Figure-*bursts out laughing* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Hell no honey it's me Britz *pokes his head out of the shadow* me? An angel? A-hee-hee-hee.  
  
Rachel-Fine fine, what are you doing while I'm dying here?  
  
Britz-Dying naw, your long since dead, the other's should bury you before you begin to smell.  
  
Rachel-That's all very informative but....WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!?!?!?  
  
Britz-Well to give you a second chance of course  
  
Rachel-Wha..?  
  
Britz-Well you see I'm now under imployment by Fate, the inevitable being.  
  
Rachel-Your imployed by Fate?  
  
Britz-Yep, I needed to do something after you guys got me fired from working for the Yeerks (see the "H-E-Double hockey sticks Bound storiesif you wonder what that means.) in fact I think you'll find there's an abundent number of jobs for the taking for humour fan-fic writers, at least in their own twisted minds.  
  
Rachel-So whats Fate like anyway?  
  
Britz-He's a nice enough guy, but he cheats at Poker (Come on people Fate, inevitable, creates the outcome of all things, Poker outcomes....Oh come on laugh.)  
Any thats beside the point, fact is, he and another even more powerful force, namely K.A. Applegate, have degreed that you die at a completely different point in time *cough* book 54 *cough*  
  
Rachel-Whats that? 54 what?  
  
Britz-Never-mind. you want the second chance or not?  
  
Rachel-*thinking*....I don't know....  
  
Britz-Oh I know I'll use my oh so groovy powers to show you what'll be like if you stay dead.  
  
Rachel-Well I was being sarcastic before but hey, let's do that anyway.  
  
Britz-cool *makes everything all kooky/wavey*  
  
*in dream-like thingy, the other Animorphs stand around Rachels body.*  
  
Marco-*sniff sob* Oh poor Rachel, who will I share razor-sharp witty comments with siigh thease guys don't have anywhere near enough brains like you...Xena hee hee.  
  
Cassie-Oh poor Rachel, who will point my hideously inadequate fasions don'ts now? *sniff sob cry*  
  
Tobias-*curiously in human morph* I can't belive she really dead *sniff sob cry boo-hoo*runs for comfort in Jakes big manly arms*  
  
Rachel-*interrupting the dream sequence* big manly arms?  
  
Britz-Oh I don't know, I saw it in a fic somewhere, been bugging me for a while, it was probaly a summery for one of those "boo-hoo oh-poor-Tobias after-book-54" whiney stories that are unfortuantly flooding fanfiction.net. *starts the dream sequence up again.*  
  
Tobias and Jake-*sobbing, they hug in a manly "hey were really just sensative new-age guys, in touch with our feelings and good friends difinauntly not lovers" kind of way, then they kiss, long and passinate, which really ruins the effect of the manly "hey were just sensative new-age guys, in touch with our feelings and good friends defiantly not lovers" hug*  
  
Rachel-*interrupting again, with good reason* WHAT THE HELL!!!!!  
  
Tobias-*in dream again* Wow Jake your one great kisser, Cassie is a lucky girl.  
  
Jake-Not anymore she's not *kisses Tobias again, then they walk off hand in hand*  
  
*dream stops*  
  
Rachel-What the hell was all that?!?! send me back send me back!!!!!  
  
Britz-Your wish is my command good lady *theres a flash of a light and a cheesy 'Zap!' and Rachel finds herself back in her own body, where the Animorphs are gathered*  
  
Tobias-*in human morph, crying* Is she gonna make Cassie, sob cry.  
  
Marco-She needs mouth-to-mouth!! I volunteer! Umm.. Stat!! *leans over to give Rachel mouth-to-mouth*  
  
Rachel-Eww, get off me muchkin-boy. *pushes Marco away*  
  
Marco-Dammit!!! Why did I know that would wake her up?  
  
Tobias-Oh thank God Rachel, I thought you were dead for sure.  
  
Rachel-I was, not that you would be very concerned if I had stayed that way, you would just run off with Jake.  
  
Jake-Wha..?  
  
Rachel-Yeah you two would be all lovey-dovey, I can't believe you Tobias, my body wasn't even cold yet and your complementing Jake kissing.  
  
Tobias-Rachel, honey, what are you talking about?  
  
Rachel-You said that Jake was a great kisser.  
  
Tobias-Well I'll be the judge of that *grabs Jake and kisses him, definauntly nothing plutonic there. They break apart* Wow you really are one great kisser, Cassie is one lucky girl.  
  
Jake-Not anymore she's not *they kiss again*  
  
Rachel-OH DAMMIT!!! Hello, I'm alive now, it's not supposed to go like this now.  
  
Tobias-*breaks away from Jake* sorry Racel but you kiss like a fish, a fish with serious bad breath at that. *Tobias and Jake walk off hand in hand*  
  
Rachel-Aww Jeez *to Cassie and Marco* Dammit can you believe those two, here I am, just had an near-death experience and off those guys go for a night of homosexual passion  
  
Cassie-Well you know Jake, any excuse. Will you two excuse me for a moment *she pulls out a hockey mask and chainsaw then runs off in the same direction as Jake and Tobias, a chainsaw's buzzing and slicing can be heard along with Jake and Tobias's agonized screaming.*  
  
Marco-Well Rach we'd best get you home  
  
Rachel-Guess so. *she looks up at Marco's face and see's something she noticed before, his unbelivable cuteness (I sickon myself)* I guess so *they walk off*  
  
Cassie-*runs back into the uh, place where they umm were, holding the decapitated heads of Jake and Tobias* Okay guys lets get our stories straight they fell down the stairs okay? I didn't mean to kill them! *notices Marco and Rachel have already left* hmm wonder where they got to. *admires the heads of Jake and Tobias* Hmm I wonder how they'd look over my fireplace...  
  
#Chapter 2# (cool I narrate this one)  
  
Britz-The next few months were magic for Marco and Rachel, neither were sure when they officially started dating but then neither cared, hell it was inevitable don't you think? Well apprarently Fate or KAA doesn't but this is my fic so screw 'em  
  
*shows Marco and Rachel doing all dating stuff you know stuff, including a very touching scene at a Italian restaurant that was completely ripped off the most famous scene in the movie "Lady and the Tramp" Can you guess which scene, think about it, Italian restaurant, spagetti, give me something here people*  
  
Britz-Yeah it was great for them they spent every waking moment together, falling deeper and deeper in love, while of course making lonely, desperate and dateless bastards like me more and more bitter, which is kinda off the point but who cares. (sniff I'm going find anyone to love WAAAAH!!)  
  
*Wow, they even do that whole "running through the field of wild-flowers towards each other" thing which has been done to bloody death*  
  
Britz-Yep, they probaly had sex to, but since this fic hasn't got to much swearing I'm not gonna show that, keep the rating nice and low. Anyhow thats beside the point cause we gonna start up our story proper again, on one magical night as they walk through a park thats swimming round my sub-conciousness, you'll soon see why it swims too *cuts to a scene where Marco and Rachel walk through the park at night*  
  
Marco-Rachel this last year (yes a whole year has past) has been wonderful for me.  
  
Rachel-Me too Marco, I love you so much you know.  
  
Marco-And I love you my sweet, look I'm just....we are so y'know...your just so special to me it's that ummm.....I guess what I'm trying to say is *gets down on one knee* Rachel will you....  
  
*suddenly two vampires jump out of nowhere one pounces on Marco and knocks him sprawling the other circles Rachel*  
  
Britz-Oh I know where I got this park from, it's from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer".  
  
Rachel-Huh?  
  
Vamp#1-Huh?  
  
Vamp#2-*looks up from drinking Marco's blood* Huh?  
  
Marco-*is unconcious from the vampire drinking his blood but if he was awake he'd probaly say "Huh?" too*  
  
Britz-Well Rachel, this is the park where Buffy is always kicking serious Vampire booty, mostly at the start of each show.  
  
Rachel-Well we could sure use her for kicking Vamp butt now, so where the hell is she?  
  
Britz-Where else would she be in my twisted mind?  
  
*cut to Spike's crypt where Buffy and Spike are going at it like rabbits, cut back*  
  
Rachel-You're an idiot you know that.  
  
Britz-Well aware.  
  
Vamp#1-*closes in for the kill and drinks Rachel's blood.*  
  
Rachel-Ug, this guy gives the hickey from hell *loses conciousness*  
  
#Chapter 3#  
  
Rachel-*wakes up in a coffin* Ug my aching everything, dammit where am I?  
  
*Rachel pushes out of her coffin and rises from the grave*  
  
Rachel-Well that was unpleasent, where am I?  
  
Britz-The graveyard of course.  
  
Rachel-GAH! Don't do that! Whats going on?  
  
Britz-Duh, you died again, your a vampire now.  
  
Rachel-Oh of course, what about Marco?  
  
Britz-Yep him too.  
  
Marco-*rises from his grave* whoa, whats going on?  
  
Rachel-We're vampire's honey-buns,we're immortal, now we can spend an eternity together.  
  
Britz-And eternity's a mighty long time.  
  
Marco-Sweeeeeet *Him and Rachel run towards each other's arms, then Marco is staked from behind by Buffy*  
  
Britz-Whoops forgot to mention that, the graveyard is the other place Buffy kicks alot of vamp-ass.  
  
Rachel-Gee thanks for bringing that up. *is staked by Buffy and turns to dust*  
  
#Chapter 4#  
  
*Marco and Rachel go towards the light*  
  
Britz-*suddenly appears* Okay guys I'm real sorry about all this, but I can make it up to you.  
  
Rachel-How Britz? This is the third time this fic I've died.  
  
Britz-You forget, I still have my Super presto-Not quite omnipotent-But still not half bad-Writer powers and a overpowering urge to see you two crazy kids together.  
  
Marco-So you'll bring us back to life?  
  
Britz-But of course, eh! Watch me now! Eh! Watch me now! Eh! I got it!!! *there is a flash of light and another one of those recurring cheesy 'Zap!'s and they dissapear*  
  
#Chapter 5#  
  
*Scene-grassy meadow with a picnic set-up in the middle where Rachel and Marco 'Zap!' to*  
  
Marco-*starts pouring drinks for himself and Rachel into martini glasses* Why such a lovely day to spend with such a lovely lady.  
  
Rachel-*giggles like a school-girl*  
  
Marco-*slips an engagement ring into Rachel's glass (the crafty bastard!) and hands the glass to Rachel* Now my love if you look into your glass I think you'll find a little surprise.  
  
Rachel-Huh? *downs the entire glass in one gulp, ring and all*  
  
Marco-Umm whoops, Don't worry I've got another one 'round here somewhere *starts poking around in his sandwhich looking for a ring*  
  
Rachel-*starts to choke on the ring which didn't go down so easy* cough gag! Cough!!  
  
Marco-Rachel honey? *relises she's choking* GAAH!! *trys and fails to do the hemlich manover*  
  
Rachel-Gag! Cough! Choke! Urk. *dies for the forth time*  
  
Marco-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
#Chapter 6#  
  
*Rachel's soul plummets to the depths of Hell*  
  
Rachel-Whoa, where am I?  
  
Britz-Hell of course.  
  
Rachel-Why am I in Hell?   
  
Britz-You just died...Again...Sorry, you should have known you'd die again what with the "3 times OR MORE" term.  
  
Rachel-Why are you here? Are you dead too?  
  
Britz-Dead? Hell no, only the good die young, and I am so much the opposite of good, I'm here to apply for work.  
  
Rachel-You're gonna work for Satan?  
  
Britz-Still better than McDonalds.  
  
Rachel-True, but what happened with Fate.  
  
Britz-I got fired, our styles clashed, plus he felt I was messing around with all those groovy "inevitable" powers when I made a meteor turn Utah into a big smoking hole in the ground.  
  
Rachel-It's Utah, like anyone will miss it.  
  
Britz-Yeah, thats what I said.  
  
Secretary-Mr Britz, the Devil will see you now.  
  
Britz-Sweeet, well Rach thats me, talk to you later. *walks up to Satan's office door and opens it* Hey Mr Prince of Darkness, can I call you Lucifer? Lets talk business *walks in and shuts the door behind himself*  
  
Secretary-Miss Rachel is it?  
  
Rachel-*looks up* Yeah thats me.  
  
Secretary-Please feel free to move on and enjoy the facilities.  
  
Rachel-Ummm, Okay.  
  
Secretary-*cheery smile* Make yourself at home, and always remember, "Today is the first day of the rest of your eternal damnation".  
  
THE EVER-LOVING BLUE-EYED END.  



End file.
